Nails are important!

Recently a man was setting near where a TV was turned on to one of those 24 hour news channels when a commercial was aired advertising one of the stairway lift chairs. During the commercial an elderly man says something to the effect that it was embarrassing to admit that he had not slept next to is wife in their bed for over three years because he could not get up the stairs. But now that had all changed due to the installing of their new stairway chair lift. The man in question started counting on his figures for a moment and then announce that he had been married multiple times for a collective number of years and had only slept next to his wifes for at total of about 25% of those years. He went on to say how sad he was that maybe that all could have been fixed if he had installed one of those chair lifts even though he never lived in a home with any stairs with any of his former wives. Laughter reportedly broke out with the man but there was still a deep look of pain reportedly in his eyes. I can't prove this story has any validity to it but it has still haunted me since I was made aware of it several days ago. I got to tell you that I can't help but feel bad not only for the guy but more importantly for the marriages themselves. What happened? Something has changed. Not to get rude or anything but in most relationship going around today most folks can't seem to keep from wanting to sleep next to each other or at least something like that. What has made the difference. I have given that a great deal of thought and the answer I have landed on ties back to something I said in part in an earlier posting. It goes back to the wedding thing. What is a wedding and why do we have them. I guess the stock answers are they are there as a celebration of a couples love they share or to serve as a public commitment that a couple is making toward one another. Maybe it the celebration of the start of this couples new life together. Maybe it just this legal thing we have to do to get recognized by the government to get a better tax rate. No matter which you care to choose I would like to contend that while all of these may have some truth to them, I think that maybe the most important reason we have weddings is being forgotten and left out. The very thing that may make the difference between a longer happy one bedroom marriages and the ones that this poor fellow I mentioned earlier seems to have had.

During my studies as a photographer, the one thing that most people include in the reason we need pictures in our world is for the memories. We are taught that during a wedding or other important event our heads must be on a swivel in order to capture the whole story of the day. Each picture is to be a mere sampling of the whole with enough information (story) attached that when viewed years from now it triggers our memories that we have in our brains so that we can recall the entire event surrounding the image being viewed. Memories are stored in our brains not in our digital images. Those images are there as triggers to unlock those memories. It's those memories that make up who we are or have become. They help us to form our responses in given situations which is where I thing lies the answers to my question I've been talking about. Have you ever looked at a picture that you are in and wonder where it was taken and who are those people in the picture with you and what were we doing? Sure you have. The picture did not do it's job! I failed to unlock the memory of that event which was seemingly important enough for someone to take a picture of it to preserve the memory and didn't! The memory isn't lost, just not recalled or unlocked enough to be remembered. Did you get that? Since the memory is in your brain it's not lost, JUST NOT RECALLED OR REMEMBERED!

As wonderful and exciting wedding days are I afraid they have the potential of creating some unintended consequences. Why? Glad you asked! Because I am afraid that we focus all of our attention on the we're married now and now we start our life together thing that we with all the planning and importance we put on the saying of the phrase "I do" and the expectations of the future that we start to loose touch as to why we have made the decision to to "I do" in the first place. Marriage is not when you started your lives together. That happened on the day you met! As the days pasted and with each date you went on your love for each other was forming, growing into a powerful bond! The phone calls, parties, walks in the park or by the lake, and all the other so special moments is were the life together was forming. They maybe moments that were only a moment in duration but the feelings that were generated were so powerful that the love grew to the point were you decided to ask the question or give an answer of "yes" when it was asked of you. But when we get to the "I do" part it seems that everything up to that point is all forgotten and becomes like events that happened in a previous life. I know you've heard someone make a comment like "I don't know why I ever married you in the first place!" I know I've heard it! You know why they don't know? It's because there has been nothing done to preserve the events of the previous life! All those oh so important moments, special pet names, first date, kiss, dance, embarrassing moments, flowers, walks on the shore, have been moved to the mothball room never to be brought out in the light of day again. On the day of the wedding those things were still very fresh in the mind of the bride and groom but by the wedding day plus one those memories are rapidly being put behind.

Guys, marriage is much like building a house. The house just doesn't magically appear when you say "I do". From the day you first met the foundation of the house is poured. With each precious moment that follow we nail another board to the house. Each board added is the love that is being built and the nails represent the memory and importance placed on that event. That love grows from a "puppy love" (which I believe would be about the size of a dog house.......you had to know that was going to make it in here somehow, right) to going steady (a living room and kitchen) on up to the engagement thing (where you add the bedrooms and furniture and two car garage). When you say "I do" it's like getting to take possession of the house that the two of you have so loving built. But when you start viewing your lives together as starting at the "I do" when you got the keys to the house thing and forgetting about the building of the house, it's like going through the entire structure and pulling all the nails out of all the boards. In most cases that makes the story I related to you in the beginning just a matter of time. What I'm saying is that if we don't take the steps necessary to keep the "why we got married in the first place" thing in the forefront of our memories then the marriage is nothing more than a house of cards with no nails to bond our memories of the why we love each other and why we CHOOSE to get married in the first place.

At 2C Photography, we suggest that our clients do as a part of their wedding packages a short but in depth DVD containing how you came to this moment in your lives covering the complete dating experience when your marriage house was being built with your growing love for each other. We will include still photos, videos, and audio as part of the presentation and then recommend you play it during the reception time so others will not only know that you married each other but why as well. But more importantly it will also serve your marriage to each other well as it will be there on those occasions when one or both of you may need a little reminder so you can answer that question "Why did I marry you in the first place?" Marriages need to not only be a celebration of the future but also the immortalizing the love that brought you to the marriage in the first place. In doing so I really hope that the stories like that at the beginning of this post will become things of the past. That is my hope for everyone!

Have a great day everyone!

Richard